My Reason to Smile Again
by MedicWarrickLvr
Summary: Eric and Calleigh learning to smile again. Reminders of losing Speed.


Author: MedicWarrickLvr

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters although I think Eric may **OWN** me!

Author's Notes: Peer Pressure from my Miami crew…………..here's another short one! Hope it isn't too sappy!

My Reason to Smile Again

_By: Susan_

Eric is studying the evidence and his mind is a million miles away. He has spent the morning at Speed's grave and wonders when the heartsick feeling will ever fade. Maybe it's faded some he thinks to himself. He just knows that he misses his friend and co –worker so much that some days it just consumes him. He knows that Calleigh misses him too. Hell, they all do. The team that was once solid has shattered and is slowly trying to rebuild. He worries about Calleigh because now that she's been right in the next room when Hagen shot himself she just closes off and won't talk to him. He wonders how long it has been since he has seen her smile. He laughs to himself and wonders how long it has been since he's felt like smiling.

"What's that half laugh for Delko?" Calleigh says as she walks in the room. Eric jumps when she enters. She raises her eyebrows at him but doesn't really even smile. Eric shrugs his shoulders and looks back down at the evidence. "I was just wondering how long it has been since you or I either one have smiled and thought it was funny." Calleigh bristles and asks, "Why is that funny?" Eric quietly says, "Calleigh, please don't get defensive on me. It's just funny….. odd……..I was worrying about you and then realized that I wasn't doing much better." Calleigh starts fidgeting and trying to keep her hands busy, "I'm fine Eric." Eric rolls his eyes, "Sure Cal! Go ahead and say that, but this is me……I don't buy that bull and you know it." Calleigh starts to walk around the table, "Eric let's just get to work." Eric rips off his gloves and throws them on the table. "You know what Calleigh? I'm tired of this. I'm tired of playing the games. I'm tired of pretending that everything is the same. I'm tired of you being in a shell. I'm tired of feeling like I can't climb out of the shell I'm in, and most of all I am tired of us pushing it to the side like Speed didn't exist or Hagen didn't exist. They did exist and they are dead and I hate it. And I am sick to death of ignoring it and not talking about it." He storms out of the lab and doesn't even realize that he has left Calleigh standing there with tears sliding down her cheeks.

Eric walks outside and breaths in the fresh air trying to compose himself. He kicks the shrub as he walks by. "Good job Delko," he mutters to himself. He's walking along the bayside and sits down on the bench and slides his head in his hands.

He barely breathes as he realizes Calleigh is quietly sittng down beside him. He hears her sniffling and fights the urge to slip his arm around her. They sit in silence for a few minutes. Calleigh is struggling for words and Eric is still too stubborn to say anything else.

Calleigh finally speaks, "I went to John's grave this morning." Eric looks up at her tear-streaked face. "I don't know why I did," she continues, "I think I just wanted to yell at him. To tell him what a coward he was and how mad I am that he threw away his life. He was a good man, Eric." Eric wishes desperately that he'd just kept his mouth shut. He's not sure it was worth it. "Calleigh, he was a good man. You can't change the choices he made though. He was losing it. He held a gun to your head for crying out loud." Calleigh shakes her head, "I don't want to have to remember him and that last conversation. I even dream about it. And in the dream, his gun isn't even clean and it should have never fired. But it did and in my dreams he dies every time. And even in my dreams I am angry because Speed's gun didn't fire and John's did. How warped is that?" Eric reaches out and takes her hand without even realizing it. "They are nightmares Cal. They will fade in time." She fights the tears again. "Do you ever have nightmares Eric?" she looks up at him with solemn doe eyes. Eric sighs and squeezes her hand. "Yes. I do. Mine are always seeing the guy aim at Speed and I am shouting for him to take cover and he never can hear me. I scream louder and louder and he never hears me."

Eric laughs sadly again and confesses to Calleigh, "Ironically, Cal, you went to Hagen's grave this morning. I was at Speed's grave." Calleigh shoots a look at him of surprise. "I miss him so much and I try to talk to him." It all just got me to thinking. I want to smile again Calleigh. I'm tired of being mad and sad all the time." Calleigh chokes up, "So am I Eric. I keep trying to just bury it, but it rears it's ugly head at the most odd times and then I feel like the grief and the anger and the sadness is going to consume me. Then I wonder what there is to smile about." Eric chews his bottom lip. He wants to howl out with laughter at the butterflies in his stomach. He looks over and reaches Calleigh's chin up to look at him, "I wondered the same thing this morning, Cal. I even said it to Speed and I swear it was like he bonked me over the head. He would be so mad at us for moping around and not living life. If Speed knew anything it was how to have fun. Then I wondered to myself what would make me smile again". Calleigh continues to look at him. He breathes in and looks back up. "You Calleigh." Calleigh sucked in her breath. He goes on before he loses his nerve. "I know that things have been rough. Hear me out though. Some of my best memories here have been with you. Working cases, hanging out, crashing on your couch………everything. I care about you Calleigh. More than you will ever know. And I still have you. You are here…………. breathing and alive. And I realized that you are my reason to smile again. And to keep smiling…….."

Calleigh swallows hard. "Eric what are you saying?" Eric shrugs, "I'm saying exactly what I just said. What it means a month or a year from now, I don't know. I just know that today, my world is better because you are in it. I don't want to spend my time with you being sad. I want to smile again and I can because you are still here."

All of a sudden, Eric feels very uncomfortable. Calleigh is just staring at him. Eric grins sheepishly, "Did I say too much?" Calleigh begins to let a slow, warm smile spread across her face. She reaches up and touches his cheek. "No Eric. For the first time in months. I feel like smiling too." Eric leans in right to Calleigh's face, "Calleigh, let me be your reason to smile again too." Calleigh leans in and kisses him slowly and deeply. She then slowly leans back and smiles. A rich, full and beautiful smile.

Eric is amazed to feel his face turning red. Calleigh giggles and Eric quickly suggests they go up to the diner and grab some lunch. They begin walking down the bayside, hand in hand……..neither knowing what tomorrow brings, but knowing that today, smiles have bloomed again……………and neither of them is alone.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_I don't plan to continue this. I like the not knowing what tomorrow brings. As much as I fight with the happily ever after, I know that with people as complex as Eric and Calleigh it's going to take some twists and turns! Enjoy and PLEASE review!_

_Susan_


End file.
